Dad's legacy. My dream.

Not long ago, after my father had died, my brother and I were talking about him. 

He was like a tank, my brother said. 

He described the kind of man our Father was. For example, if Dad had worked as a service technician, and the issue he was servicing was a simple matter that took little time and even less effort to resolve, dad wouldn't charge the customer a fee. Never mind the cost of the vehicle and gasoline to drive to the customer's home. Or being paid for the time to drive there and back again.

My takeaway from that conversation with my brother is that, for my dad, money just wasn't something he cared about. He just wanted to be of service. He lived by the principle (at least in his work, he lived this way) to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." 

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The following started as a reflection of my dad's influence on me. What I was trying to say in the paragraphs below is that I had some dreams and I didn't realize what they were. People in movies have dreams and somehow the dreams come true. I didn't know what happened to make the dreams come true. So I didn't know that I could make my dreams come true, and I didn't know how to identify what my dreams were.

"I loved my dad. He would sing variety songs from groups like The King Singers. He loved playing with words. His dad loved poetry, and his dad died in the 1960s. I wonder if quoting the poems his dad loved was his way of helping his kids love their grandpa who they'd never met?

My dad should have been an engineer. Probably an electrical engineer. I wanted to be like him, but I didn't really spend much time with him. I wanted to do projects with him, like when my sister built a solar panel for a school project and the two of them worked on it together. She was good at math, maybe because of his tutelage.

Instead of math, I excelled in language. I could have bonded with him over that, I suppose. But he didn't write poetry. He had terrible handwriting, which he blamed on the nuns who taught him to write -- they wouldn't allow him to write with his left hand, and he believed he was left handed. My oldest daughter is left handed.

Instead of writing and literature, my dad and I watched movies, Star Trek, and nature documentaries. It wasn't just me watching with him, of course. If I'd had the chance as an adult, I would have watched more shows with him and enjoyed the writing together with him.

Anyway, I ultimately studied linguistics - more of the philosophical side of that discipline. The school I attended was small, and there were no linguistics studies. The best fit for me at that school was philosophy. I believe I would have ended up in linguistics if I had gone to the state school. 

The difference was that, in the school I went to, the music department was basically non-existent when I started. Which meant I was blessed with the opportunity of studying music, where otherwise I would not have, since my musical talent is limited. On second thought, though, I may have studied musical composition and/or choral conducting if I had gone to the state school.

Either way, I would likely have ended up at MIT, either studying linguistics with Noam Chomsky, or studied music there and learned to enhance my skills with the help of technology.

Instead, I traveled to Belgium in 2002 to teach English as a foreign language, and then received a certification for that discipline from an organization in Prague.

I have had many opportunities to grow my music skills over the years. At least in piano playing, which is not my primary instrument, but I have enjoyed learning to express myself artistically on that instrument, to enhance my average vocal skills.

I guess I didn't know that it was okay to follow my dreams. I had learned about the music and linguistics at MIT. There was a vague sense that some people would have the opportunity to participate in those programs. It didn't occur to me that I could be one of those people who could have that opportunity.

On the other hand, the practical experience of living life, traveling to different linguistic cultures and performing music on an everyday, practical level --- that has its own unique value.

I wonder, too, what my family situation would have been like if I had pursued more education. I'm sure I would have found someone like-minded and pursued all of my dreams -- including having a family. That was the only dream I had been taught to have. "A woman's most important role is in the home" is what I was taught. Which didn't mean a woman's OnLy role is in the home --- but somehow that's how it has expressed itself in so many cases, including mine.

Most importantly -- my dad chose to have children. He loved each of us and taught us as well as he was able. I am grateful for my life, and for my dad's love, and for the things he did that are an example of loving with integrity, and with passion.

What I love about my dad is how very much he sacrificed to give all of his children their lives. He obeyed the commandments as well as he could, he loved his children and his wife, he persevered, he laughed, and he sang. Simple pleasures. And the most impactful, most lasting and enduring legacy of all: giving life to children and teaching us to be decent people.